If Only I'd Known
by xRae Asakurax
Summary: Prowl shut his emotions off from the world, but one mech seemed to know exactly how to get past that barrier. PJ slash, companion fic to 'What Could Have Been'. Prowl POV


**Rae:** Well, this is the companion fic to 'What Could Have Been', but from Prowl's POV. You really need to have read WCHB for this to make complete sense, but I suppose it's not overly necessary. Anyway, read and enjoy! You might find the ending better in this one - I was so mean to Jazz in that last one. (Giggles)

I don't own Transformers, that's Hasbro's privilage. If Wingwalker existed, she'd be mine, but it was just a random name I came up with.

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Prowl felt his doorwings shift as he stared Jazz straight in the optics. "You helped Sideswipe?" He asked.

"Well, sure. I mean, it was a great prank an' I wanted in, so he let me." Prowl felt exasperated, and it must have showed on his face because Jazz giggled.

"You realize he's going to be rather fragged off at you for not being caught with him, right?"

"Eh, I was smart enough t'get my aft in gear. Ain't my fault if he wasn't."

Prowl put a hand over his optics for a few seconds before growling, "I should march you down to see Optimus right now and let him deal with you."

"So why ain't ya?"

A very valid point. Why wasn't he turning Jazz in? It was his job, wasn't it, to catch the troublemakers of their little family? He took in the grinning mech sat in the chair before him. He couldn't quite put a finger on why he wasn't doing his job. Maybe it was because Jazz had shown a great deal of trust in the tactician by telling him that, or maybe it was because Prowl always felt some regret if he did have to punish the Porsche for something. Really, when he wasn't making merry hell, he was an incredible mech to be around. He had this unique ability to make light of any situation, keep himself ridiculously optimistic and make others have a good time, whether they started off not wanting to or not. Certainly, Jazz was the mech Prowl tended to relax around most.

He decided to lie, something he so rarely did. "I have no evidence for one thing, and for another you'd get me back somehow, and that wouldn't be pleasant." He vented some air noisily. "You," he said bluntly, "are, by far, the most confusing, and dare I say annoying, mech I have ever met." Jazz gave a delighted laugh, once more making light of Prowl's statement.

"That'd be me! Used t'give my teachers hell at school." Prowl snorted and shook his head; he didn't doubt that. His optics searched the room to find some way to distract himself from Jazz, and they came to rest on an unfinished report on his desk. He grabbed it and sat down in his office chair, proceeding then to re-read what he'd written so far and see what he could do to add to it.

He could feel Jazz's optics watching him, and yet oddly he wasn't uncomfortable with the scrutiny. The saboteur was always watching him, always there, it seemed. Last time Prowl could remember waking up on the field or in the medbay without Jazz there was before they'd ever met. And then there were the odd little phrases or words that he slipped into conversations. Prowl always brushed it off as Jazz being...well, Jazz, and ignored them. Something niggled at the back of his processor, telling him there was something more to it, but his logic functions told it to shut up. And that was that.

--

_When darkness comes, I'll light the night with stars._

_Hear the whispers in the dark._

--

That time in the cave had confused Prowl somewhat. He _still_ couldn't put a name to that expression Jazz had been wearing, and the question that the Porsche had been pondering wasn't at all what he'd expected. Unrequited love? He was not exactly the best mech to ask about that kind of thing. Jazz had asked him, more than once, about his past lovers. Truth was, he'd only had one. And it had been a femme, designation Wingwalker.

Wingwalker was...Jazz-like, Prowl noted. She'd been very into music, and was always up for a good time. Optimistic, pretty, intelligent, able to hold her own, slightly insane and a definate risk-taker. Her eccentricities complimented his collectedness and logics perfectly, and he loved her so much.

And then the war came along.

It wasn't that she'd been killed that tore him up. Oh no. She, like so many others, was drawn to Megatron by his speeches and ideals, never once stopping to think about the methods. He'd begged her not to join Megatron, tried to show her how evil he was, but she wouldn't listen. She'd yelled at him, told him if he couldn't respect her wishes then they were through. So she became a Decepticon, and it nearly broke him apart to see her parading around with the purple insignia on her chest plate while he wore the red one of the Autobots.

They didn't see each other for several years, but when they did it was a disaster. She had changed, changed so much he barely recognized her. Gone was the sweet and eccentric femme he'd known and fallen in love with. In her place was a curvacious and mean-looking femme, clearly dangerous and somewhat of a harlot if the way that she and Starscream were looking at each other was any indication. The ensuing battle was bloody and violent. It seemed to take an eternity and a second at the same time, and the next thing Prowl knew he was re-coiling from his gun's rebound and Wingwalker was falling over backwards with a stunned look on her face. Her optics were dim and cold when he dropped next to her, and that was the moment he closed his emotions to the world.

Emotions brought nothing but pain, and if he allowed himself to feel much affection he'd become too attached to others and risk the same pain. No, it was better off if he didn't.

--

_When darkness comes, you know I'll never fall._

_Hear the whispers in the dark._

--

Prowl watched and his Spark broke when Jazz screamed his sorrows to the heavens as he took in the burning wreckage of the shuttle that had been carrying the tactician, Brawn, Ratchet and Ironhide. He could see Ironhide taking in the scene with nothing but sorrow in his optics before fading from view. Brawn had already gone, and Ratchet was trying to reassure Sideswipe and Sunstreaker as the two warriors huddled together for comfort. None of them could reach their loved ones now, but that didn't stop him wrapping his arms around Jazz from behind. He held the saboteur close as he cried, not sure why he was doing it. It just felt right.

And then he heard it.

It was like a whisper in his audios, and it seemed to be eminating from Jazz. '_I never told you how much you meant to me. Now you're gone forever, but hear me this time. I love you._'

Prowl couldn't help it. He started crying, tears dripping down his cheeks as he felt Jazz's life-force ebb away from its mortal shell. As his last system shut itself down, a silvery light appeared, forming out of thin air to hover above the body. The light soon molded itself into Jazz, who looked around him confusedly. His optics widened, however, when he saw Prowl.

"Prowler..." There was such hope in his voice that Prowl couldn't stay where he was. He walked over to Jazz and took his hand gently.

"It's really me," he said, softly. The Porsche made an inarticulate noise of joy and wrapped his arms around Prowl. The tactician smiled and let him. When he was released, he looked Jazz straight in the optics. "I heard you, you know. What you said. And it's never too late to say 'I love you'."

Jazz stared at Prowl for a moment before grinning widely and giving a delighted laugh, then capturing the Datsun's lips in a sweet, short kiss. "Let's go then, shall we?" he asked. Prowl nodded, and, hand-in-hand, they faded from sight.

--

_I will be the one that's gonna find you, I will be the one that's gonna guide you._

_No, you'll never be alone. When darkness comes, I'll light the night with stars._

_Hear the whispers in the dark._

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**Rae: **Hope you liked that ending - I couldn't leave them miserable! (Sniffles) The lyrics are from a song called 'Whispers in the Dark' by Skillet. All copyright claims go to them! Please review, and thanks for reading!


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